Relationships & Cycles

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I was talking about relationships with a close friend a few years my senior, when she pointed out that there was one major difference between her girlfriends who were (happily) married, and her girlfriends still stuck in the lonesome trenches we commonly refer to as dating.

She noted that the friends who were in unhappy relationship cycles had been riding the same Ferris wheel for decades. They went after the same kinds of men, and allowed the same negativity into their lives.

"At some point in life you have to identify your negative cycles and decidedly change them." ~K

This concept woke me up. As I looked internally to identify my own patterns, a few tendencies became apparent. Sticking with the topic at hand, here's how I chose to grow past the Daniel cycle:

I don't want to bore you with my dirtiest laundry, so I'll attempt to lay this out with the speed and grace of professional band-aid puller offer (yes, that's the technical term).

Daniel and I kept this predictable cycle for a year and a half:

Enjoy friendship,
fight,
take time apart,
talk,
make up,
enjoy friendship,
fight,
take time apart,
talk,
make up,
apply liberally, rinse, repeat...

At first the fights were directly linked to my insecurity, but as I became more comfortable accepting his friendship at face value, he became less comfortable with the depth of our conversations. Any time we shared an emotional connection, anger and aggression weren't far behind. This was confusing for me because he would so enthusiastically dive into subjects of the heart - ego - and Self.

I could speculate day and night about why this was a trigger for him...  and oh boy do I have speculations aplenty! But they are of no consequence, as they will never evoke the truth only he knows.

I became good at misleading myself. This cycle was okay because I no longer wanted more than friendship. Soon he would realize that I wasn't a threat to his bachelorhood and we would get along swimmingly forevermore...

That never seemed to happen. Every time we fought, I would call my best friends and analyze every detail about why this friendship wasn't working.

It stressed me out every time.

It made me emotional every time.

I shared stress with my best friends every time.

It wasn't just me. It seemed that conversations with all my single ladies had a tendency to revolve around dating and whether or not we were liked. I started to get really annoyed with the repetition of my own stories -- which were basically the same complaints I'd shared a few months prior. I wanted to find a way to lift the quality of conversation I was having with the most valuable people in my life.

I suggested to each of them that for one week, we wouldn't speak about dating at all. I specified that if they really thought they met the one, of course the rules could be thrown out. Something incredible happened during this experiment.

We talked about everything else.

Our passions, our dreams, career goals, books, movies, current affairs, spirituality, etc.

Don't get me wrong, we always shared those connections before. But we took it deeper. We removed the circular conversation of our dead end relationships, and filled that time by inspiring and encouraging each other to live big.

It worked! I broke my cycle by changing my thought and conversational patterns. I stopped dwelling on negativity, and I invited my friends to join a more holistic conversation. Our conversations are still deeper more than a year and a half later. Many thanks to my incredible, and growth minded wolf pack!

Are you ready to take the challenge?

No boy talk for one full week.

Comment below if you think you need this too! Let me know how it goes!

Thanks for reading, make great choices. :)

Next up -- Why my insecurity/attitude wasn't warranted and how this relationship taught me what it means to truly savor a moment. Stay tuned!

 

Occupy - Live to Love - 99%

It's been awhile since the "occupy" movement -- but it seems not enough progress has been made. The world is in shambles. People are literally dying trying to reach a life with opportunity. On our own soil, the supposed land of opportunity, many of us are living with little to no purpose (and healthcare is a joke). Blind to reality, and hopeless in our ignorance. Those of us who have been born with the most opportunity should be creating the most change for a positive world. Start where you are.

Nourish your passions,

get creative,

get moving.

Live fully and watch the world start changing.

Put your money where your heart is, and live to love.

Originally posted Oct 28, 2011.

Originally posted Oct 28, 2011.

"I am guilty of complacency. I believe that whole foods and a balanced lifestyle can cure cancer, diabetes, heart disease, depression, and many more diseases. I believe that there is enough land and water to nourish our planet's population, but we've allowed it's exploitation with unethical and environmentally hazardous practices. I believe that we naively bought our way into a nutritionally deficient and time crunched oppression. Ignorance is no longer bliss, and we must demand our way out. I believe that we must change our collective priorities to reap long term benefits from this movement. We must take sustainability and health care into our own hands. We must abandon our current sense of normalcy to propagate change for a sustainable, healthful, and ethical world that we can feel proud to pass along to future generations. We must put our money where our hearts are, and live to love. I am the 99%."

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” ~Rumi


Make good choices. :)

Paint Brush Strokes, Perception, & The Monogamy Disagreement

Photo by Dave Miyamoto at Sun Yoga Hawaii.

Photo by Dave Miyamoto at Sun Yoga Hawaii.

I like to think of each of us as our own unique painting. We are most often seen as a big picture, perhaps framed and displayed elegantly. But if one were to study us, the thought and effort of the artist would become apparent. Layers and variations of brush strokes. Some strokes applied more gently, others with heightened fervor. Here, strokes short and precise, while there, the artist’s hand pirouettes with whimsy. These strokes are the fascia of our being. Our passion, our past, our education, our relationships, everything that has gotten us from there to here. They don't just hold us together, they are us.

 

I made the choice to start hanging out with Daniel again, because I knew that he noticed — and appreciated — my intricacies. He saw my most delicate brush strokes, my details, the things that make me beautiful, and even those that make me ugly. (Click here to read about our first DTR.)

I like to think I saw him fully too, but who can know for certain when you’re dealing with a Gemini?

He was ever equipped with new random facts and relevant information, new projects he was working on, new ideas for my writing, and new places he wanted to show me. It was easy to fall back in step with him, sharing drinks, inside jokes, secrets, and dreams.

I adored the way he perceived life. I had a tendency toward snobbery and a distinct disapproval of all things ordinary and popular; regular holistic hipster problems. He had a way of seeing the relevance and beauty in what society has collectively deemed worthwhile. Sharing his vantage point expanded my heart, my thoughts, and my perceptions for the better.

It was the summer of Daft Punk’s Get Lucky. The song was his never-nudes, lyrical denim never fully exposing silence in his apartment. Somehow I knew that our relationship had roughly the same expiration date as the song’s radio popularity. Or at least I knew that I couldn’t let go until then.

It’s funny how music can weave memories and feelings into the deepest parts of your body.

Even now the lyrics up all night to get lucky whisk me back to the moments when he made me feel I was the only person who truly understood him. He had a way of stopping abruptly mid sentence to lock eyes and say that he LOVED talking to me. It seemed as though he couldn’t help telling me things he’d never shared before. “You're so fun to talk to! Most people can’t follow when I change directions so fast,” he’d say after a stirring exchange.

The words made me feel both special and infuriated. I knew exactly what he meant by people. He meant the two other women he was dating, or more accurately, sleeping with. My insecurity in this arrangement was our only source of contention.

It was a BIG problem actually.

Though I’d put up the physical boundaries I needed, our conversational intimacy still hovered well outside the scope of platonic. I naively thought those physical boundaries set me apart from the other girls.

He was dating them mostly physically and superficially. He was dating me intellectually and emotionally.

Pretty smart if you think about it. It’s like they were oxygen molecules and I was a hydrogen molecule, and together we made water. He was perfectly hydrated, and could avoid catching feelings as long as we pooled, sloshed, and poured together or separately on his whim.

Everything finally came to a head the night before we were going to harvest kalo together. He’d planned a charming date for us to harvest the traditional Hawaiian plant and eat lunch on the farm.

I threw a fit the night before. My discontent with the seemingly wasted natural chemistry and the ambiguity of the relationship's boundaries got the best of me.

I told him I didn’t want to take adorable, muddy, couple-y photos with a man who had no intention of staying in my life. I didn’t want to document memories only to look back on them with sadness and longing.

He said perhaps we should reschedule.


My insecurity was the primary source of mutual disagreement, and as you can imagine, I talked it backwards, forwards, and inside out with my inner circle. After a too many cycles and one friend’s key sentence, things began to shift. Stay tuned!

What do you think? Comment below!

Was my attitude warranted?

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship like this?

Is it just playing with fire to experiment with strong chemistry outside of commitment?

Thanks for reading, make great choices!

 

The DTR

I choose to keep my heart open to infinite possibility.

I choose to keep my heart open to infinite possibility.

Things were going pretty well. I’d met this handsome guy, and after a few dates I was excited to find that he was way more than just a pretty face. He was smart, driven, and actively pursuing realistic goals. It seemed he always had interesting bits of information on the tip of his tongue. Tongue bait, if you will. His mind moved fast, so conversational adventure was never lacking, and we had the wit to keep up with each other.

Sometimes he would just gaze at me with a stupid smile on his face and say, “I really like you.” Once when he was falling asleep he said that and added that he was scared shitless.

Just like every little girl, I’ve always dreamed of the day a man would tell me that his attachment to me scared him shitless. That’s what my Ken doll always said to whichever barbie had the darkest hair.

I am a firm believer that a man will always tell you his intentions early on. It may not be a straight forward message like, “I think you’re hot and hella-intella but I know intuitively you’re not the one. I’m going to be very charming for the next few months though, until you become attached, confused, and then emotional. Then I’ll ghost you so you think you’re unworthy of all love from anyone, ever.”

Unfortunately it’s usually a little more subtle, and more clearly distinguished through hindsight's monocle.

The first hint Daniel gave me, I remember clearly. I knew what he meant, but I decidedly pretended not to. We were walking to the concert hall to see Rain, the Beatles cover band, when he responded to something I said with, “Wow, it’s so cool that you really seem to know who you are and what you want.”

“Don’t you?” I asked.

He told me that he didn’t really know who he was, but that he was in the process of finding himself.

I’m smart enough to know that a man whose soul isn't comfortable in his body (and physical world), is not looking for a committed relationship.

I didn’t want to hear it though, so I mostly ignored it, and carried on with our super fun date.

Soon after that first hint, we had our first DTR (define the relationship). He told me he was looking for friendship. I told him I wasn’t dating to find friends. He told me his sob story about his ex that maybe cheated on him and how he needed to be single for awhile, and that he was sorry. Because of course I’m like so great and totally girlfriend material.

Rejection speak. I cried. It’s all I ever get in exchange for my vulnerability.

We took some time apart. He said that he very much wanted to keep being my friend, and work together on building my website. He said his friendship was on the table if I wanted it.

A few weeks later we started hanging out again.

And so the cycle begins…

more to come.

Thanks for reading, make fun choices! :)

Daniel - The Dating Phase

"What you're missing is that the path itself changes you." ~Julien Smith

"What you're missing is that the path itself changes you." ~Julien Smith

I last shared with you about my first date with Daniel. In the next few posts I’ll open up a little more on the juicy bits that make up this crazy thing called modern dating.

Why am I sharing this story? I was recently asked why I don't share more positive dating stories. My initial response was that they aren't as entertaining and laughable as the disastrous ones. After some thought, I decided to share this story because this is a person I really fell for. Real life doesn't have a soundtrack or fancy camera angles. Special moments are, simply that. When our honeymoon phase came to an abrupt halt, we mutually chose to continue a friendship and work relationship. That's when I learned a few of my favorite life lessons. Soon to come... :) For now, here's a bit more on the early dating stage:

I rallied my girl friends to see Daniel’s band play the week after our first date. We all had great fun dancing, and I was impressed by his strong stage presence. His love for performing really brought him to life. It's incredibly attractive to see someone in their impassioned element.

For our second date we enjoyed wine and snacks on the beach. Conversation went a little deeper as the sun went down, and we took turns listening to each other share stories of childhood and coming of age. We talked about our relationships with our parents, and how our parents personal choices have impacted us even into adulthood.

We’d both had hyper religious upbringings and victimized mothers with hoarding problems. He was embarrassed and said he'd never shared his mom's addiction with anyone before. We enjoyed similar books on psychology, spirituality, and self growth. In fact we both admitted to having a quiet long term goal of writing a book someday. We found that we'd listened to many of the same Tedtalks, and we both loved Frasier.

Our differences were obvious; him being logical and technical, while I'm intuitive and emotionally based. He's drawn to indoor work and loud party scenes; while I'm drawn to body work and the quiet splendor of the great outdoors.

Despite our differences, I felt that we communicated easily on the same plane and at the same speed. To me, that's more important than common details.

The sun was long gone by the time the sand zamboni clicked its spotlight on and began rolling out the sand. There is something very impersonal about zambonis — Like I don’t fully believe that a human drives them. I feel a distinct lack compassion, as thought its primary intention is to leave me pancaked in the sand for the morning sunbathers. Slightly panicked, Daniel and I gathered our things and escaped to the car!

“I want to keep hanging out with you tonight,” he said.

Following our progressive conversation, his confident declaration made me feel special, desired, and powerful. He suggested a place in town for a drink. It was easy to stay in the moment with him. He energized me.

A few dates later, he invited me to see a Beatles cover band show. As you would imagine, the second best thing to seeing The Beatles play, is pretending that you’re seeing The Beatles play.

He was embarrassed to admit he’d bought nosebleed tickets, but I think sneaking into a better section together was like turning the chem-lab hot plate to the highest setting.

The tension between us was so palpable we were probably a distraction to the band.

I leaned back in my seat and crossed my leg over his as they began to play Girl, and I told him when I’m feeling not-so-confident about a guy I listen to this song and remember my power.

He chuckled and maybe blushed a little, and told me that I am indeed, very powerful.

Stay tuned, things are about to get a little more interesting!

Thanks for reading, make fun choices! :)

Coconut Chocolate Cream (Pudding, Frosting... DF, GF, SF)

People are always asking me, "Natalie were you just eating chocolate?"

And I'm all like, "no, you're weird. I never eat chocolate... like never."

Okay, okay, all cards on the table...

If you're really pushing me to shove...

I'll make an honest woman outta me...

I've eaten chocolate once.

And I kinda liked it.

Don't think, just start making it.

Don't think, just start making it.

 

Here's how you can like it too:

  • Put a full fat can of coconut milk in the refrigerator for two days. Then...

Combine-ables:

  • Scoop the cream from the top of the can into a conveniently placed mixing bowl.
  • Add 1/3 cup cocoa powder (give or take a table spoon - to each their own, you know). I prefer Valrhona.
  • Pour in 1/4 cup organic maple syrup.
  • Add roughly 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla.
  • Pinch in 1/8 or 1/4 teaspoon of sea salt (your taste).

All of these directions are up for debate and change based on your extremely respectable, personal preferences. I don't make the rules, I just sort of write them.

  • Oh yeah... mix everything up. Keep it cold or it will get weird and melty.

When the time seems right, spread your chocolate cream on cupcakes, fruit, or even a loved one. Keep in mind that it melts easily.

If your chocolate is anything like mine, you'll find that people simply cannot hide their enthusiasm. They will show this by sneaking it. ;)

Let me know how it goes.

Make chocolaty choices. :)

That First Date When My High Heel Broke - Daniel

Magnetism--Passion--Energy. :)

Magnetism--Passion--Energy. :)

About 100 yards into my half mile walk to the restaurant, the sole of my right high heel came completely unglued. With every step it would flap like a proud, dying eagle and fold under my heel awkwardly. I was forced to slow my pace and high knee kick my right leg the rest of the walk. Actually it was a really special gait. Left foot normal, right foot high knee kick, ball of the foot to the ground, then heel. Left foot step, right leg high knee kick, toe, heel.


Basically the system reads about as easy as it was to do. This is why I was late to my first date with Daniel. (Click here to read about how we met.)

I was actually having fun with it until I opened the restaurant door - made eye contact with him, and realized I had to own that walk all the way to the table. He stood up to greet me with a kiss on the cheek. They do that here, Hawaii is just like Europe. I immediately told him about my adventure from the car. I guess I thought if I didn’t say anything he would assume I always walked like that.

As I sat down, he leaned in for what I felt was going to be an important question. His expression became playful as he challenged, “How do you feel about a pitcher of sangria?” I laughed, Infinitely thankful that he didn't just break the news to me that I’d had my skirt tucked into my gigantic granny panties that whole march from the car. I committed to the share, but the server accidentally brought out a pitcher of mojito. We had a little eye contact conversation before agreeing aloud that a mojito was definitely the better choice.

He didn’t waste another second before admitting that he did Google me. “That’s a big red flag, by the way. Telling someone to Google you.”

I blushed and giggled, “I know, I know… but I feel like men should know what they’re getting themselves into when they sign up to eat with me.”

He met my gaze reassuringly, “I like what I found. You have a strong online presence. You’re a good writer, and I want to help you build your own website.”

That was the first time anyone outside of my (obligated) friends and family, encouraged me to write. For me, that was a defining moment.

 

We spent the rest of the evening learning about each other through easy banter. I was interested. I could tell there was a lot to know about him. At one point I recapped part of his story in an effort to dig a little deeper. I asked, “So you’re a techie, you make children’s apps, you teach music lessons, and you love to read... What else do you do?”

He told me several months later that that question was incredibly intimidating. I hadn’t meant it to be. I just assumed he had plenty more hobbies and interests. He did, so I’m not sure what all the fuss was about.

What makes one first date better than the next? Some first dates are excruciatingly boring, while others seem to fly by as I find myself captivated by another human being. Of course there has to be physical attraction, but there’s more -- something less tangible at play.

Energetic exchange? Chemistry? I subscribe to the Celestine Prophecy theory that when you feel an absolute draw to another person, you should succumb to the magnetism. The idea is that you likely have truths to share with each other -- in words, actions, or even energy.

 

We shared our surface truths in a fun and friendly way. We talked about books, shows, religion, our childhoods, our hobbies, our passions. I don't fully remember what all we learned about each other that night, but I remember laughing easily, and loving it when we held eye contact a little too long.

After dinner he walked me back to my car, invited me to see his band play the following week, and promised a phone call as he kissed my cheek goodbye. I didn’t feel crazy fireworks that night. I just felt a gentle energetic pull. I wanted to spend more time enjoying his face, his eyes, and his mind.

Spoiler alert: We dated a few months and then kept an almost two year friendship. During which I learned a great deal about myself. I look forward to sharing how our unhealthy "friendship" made me a stronger, more powerful woman than ever.

Tell me about one of your positive first dates. Can you put your finger on what exactly made it a good one? Were you eager to see them again soon? Or, were you more comfortable about whatever pace would sprout naturally?

Looking forward to hearing your stories! Thanks for reading, make fun choices! :)

Want to read more about dating?

Why I Started Online Dating

What I learned from Online Dating

 

 

Daniel & The Unflushable Puppy Dog-boy

Obligatory "night out" bathroom selfie.

Obligatory "night out" bathroom selfie.

The friends of a friend of a friend that I went out with that night ditched me at the club entrance. They somehow got in for free and didn’t count me as part of the group. I test pretty high for Ugly Duckling Syndrome (meaning I often don't quite fit in with crowds), so invisibility isn’t new to me, but I’ll be darned if I had to pay to enter and they didn’t!


Fortunately the puppy dog-boy who had been following me around the bar next door popped up beside me full of promises about how he knew somebody who knew somebody, and that he would get me in.


There was a bit of confusion and a pretty awkward moment when I realized that this guy was going to be a tough flusher. I thought I could lose him with a quick stop in the bathroom.

You know, take a dance club bathroom selfie with a coat of fresh lipstick, have a sip of whatever drink someone left by the toilet, and then re-enter the club to find tastier arm candy.

Free drink, live a little!  (totally kidding)

Free drink, live a little!  (totally kidding)

 

The man was a floater. I ended up having to do time with him on some platform behind the DJ. Apparently this was the it place to be for the hipsters who don’t like to dance. It felt like prison to me, but I must have looked cool up there, and that's really all that matters.


I made the most of my situational perch by scanning the room for the hotties I would eventually try to hypnotize with my undeniably existent dance moves.

 

My eyes landed on a tall, dark, and mysterious, bearded man in the open double doorway. I’d had enough to drink that I decided staring was a totally okay thing to do. I stared at him for quite some time, before finally excusing myself to go dance. It only took few minutes for me to realize that my awesome moves weren’t working on anyone, and the AC was blowing like crazy on the only part of the dance floor I could fit my body.

I resolved to stand opposite handsome guy for a minute before heading out.

 

Moments later, Daniel introduced himself. I shook his hand and met his gaze as I told him I'd noticed him earlier. He smiled, "I saw you looking."

He told me I reminded him of Olivia Munn, and that he builds children’s educational apps. He asked for my number, and inquired about what I do. I’m ever tired of explaining my lifestyle to people, and I was feeling particularly bold at the time, so I just told him to Google me. - Yeah, I'm embarrassing, morning face-palm is pretty standard around here.

He told me I was cute and that he wanted to keep hanging out with me. It was one of those delicious moments I absolutely wanted to stay in, too.

The lights came on and puppy dog-boy found me - like he thought we were going to leave together? Daniel asked if he was my boyfriend. I told him that I’d only just met the guy and that he was weird. When I waved him onward, Daniel nodded at me, “nicely done.” I felt comfortable next to him. His eyes were warm and knowing, and his energy felt open and confident. I knew even then, that he was going to change me.


We parted ways outside with a promise of a phone call.

First date story to come...

 

Thanks for reading, make fun choices. :)

Dear Women, Let's Stop Giving Fear Based Advice

I feel pretty when I feel strong.

I feel pretty when I feel strong.

Last night in the Co-op I couldn’t help but overhear two women, 20 years my senior, discussing in depth what to do about their hair. The first soundbite I caught was just boring old gray-shaming nonsense, so I returned to my mustard ingredient literature. Annoyed to have to decide between iodized salted mustard, or one with sugar. Ugh, another story for another day.


My ears perked up again when *Brenda brought up her Skype date. She had just had her hair cut and styled, partly so that *Skypeguy would find her desirable, and partly because she was hoping it would make her more comfortable with her declining pigment issue.

She was excited to show Skypeguy her new style, but his flat reaction of, “oh, you chopped your hair,” sent her through a Tilt-a-Whirl of emotion. She was disappointed in him and in the stylist. She was sad and angry, but also just really confused. The stylist had raved about all the body and vibrance this cut restored. Skypeguy claimed that he preferred her flat, stringy, long tresses to her now shoulder length coiffure. She wanted to understand why women have such a wildly different view of what great hair is, than men do.


Her friend, *Maryanne, insisted that she dye her hair before the next video call. She seemed fixated on doing whatever it would take to keep this man’s attention. So much so, that as I squeezed by to find my colloidal silver spray (It’s a small co-op), I asked if I could (or, told that I would), offer my two cents. Brenda obliged and so I told them my experience.


Almost every man has told me that he prefers long hair, but every time I go back to my Amelie bob, the storm clouds roll in and the sky pours men.


Both ladies immediately pointed out all the reasons why that look would work for me but not for them: my heart shaped face, my thick healthy hair, and my striking nose.


According to my own intimate relationship with my reflection, and my own insecurities, their reasons held no ground. I have an oval face, very fine, thin hair, and a huge Greek nose.


I expressed to them that the point isn’t about what other people think about you. The best hair cut and color depends completely on what makes you feel great about yourself.

 

I told Brenda that it sounds like Skypeguy may be stunted in his communication abilities. That's his problem, not hers, but if he continues to make her feel like she's not good enough, then he's not worth her time.

She hadn't thought about it like that.

They asked if I'm going to dye my hair when the gray starts taking over. I told them I'm not sure. There are several beautiful and strong women in my life who just wouldn't be the same without their naturally gray manes.

Maryanne asked if they were alone

I was delighted to say that they are not.

Fellow sisters, can we please stop giving each other fear based advice?

I am proud to say that I would gladly spend the rest of my life enjoying friends and family as a single person, than to commit to an unfulfilling and energy sucking romantic relationship.

Love yourself.

Do things that make you feel alive.

Dress however makes you feel awesome.

Find out what makes you glow, and do it. No relationship will ever make you glow except for the relationship you have with yourself.

Two people lit up on their own, make the kind of fire Ellie Goulding sings about -- and I can get down to that!

 

What do you think?

 

Thanks for reading, make love based choices. :)

*names made up, obvi.

 

 

Chocolate Chip Cupcakes For Anyone With Love In Their Hearts DF/GF

First off, I never would have come to such great success (yes, I am standing on my homemade cardboard pedestal holding a blue ribbon), with my chocolate cupcakes if not for this recipe. I am forever indebted to Stef, from the Cupcake Project. I initially altered her recipe to be dairy free and refined sugar free. A few days later, I altered it a little more, you know, tinkling on a fire hydrant kind of thing. It's mine now. :)

If you want to be like me (on a pedestal), you're going to need these things:

  • 1 oven preheated to 375 degrees
  • 2 cupcake pans
  • 2 3/4 cups garbanzo bean flour, sifted twice
  • 1 cup cocoa powder, sifted with the garbanzo flour
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 2 teaspoons baking soda
  • 1/2 teaspoon sea salt, or more if you like it salty.
  • 1 3/4 cup maple syrup
  • 2 eggs
  • 3 teaspoons vanilla
  • 1/4 cup olive oil
  • 1/4 cup coconut oil
  • 1 cup coconut milk fat. (refrigerate can of coconut milk overnight, and the fat will rise to the top. Open can from top (obvi) and dig the fatty cream out with care.
  • 1 cup dark chocolate chips
  • 1 cup hot water

Now that you have gathered these things, pat yourself on the back, because you're already half way to success.

Facebook update something about that right now. --------- Okay, you're back! Here we go!

  • Mix the dry and sifted ingredients in a big bowl. All of them.  Just do it. Well, not the oven or the pans.  Just the dry food. Okay.
  • Mix the wet ingredients (but only half the hot water) in a smaller or equal sized bowl. 
  • Slowly pour the wet ingredients into the dry bowl. Keep stirring as though your life depends on it.
  • If necessary, add the last half cup of hot water.
  • Add up to 1 cup of dark chocolate chips. Stir some more.

Now

Fill up your cupcake cups halfway. Place your trays in the oven and wait about 20 or 25 minutes. You can use the old toothpick trick to make sure their finished. The tops will be firm like the glutinous cake you remember from childhood.

When they're ready, and not a single moment sooner, eat your heart out! I will post my coconut icing recipe very soon.  Until then, know that coconut bliss will be a great topper.

 

Thanks for eating, make great cupcakes! :)

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